Stop listening to the liars.

What I’m about to discuss wears countless faces. We may not recognize the similarities between one we know, and one we see in someone else, but they are one-in-the-same, I assure you. Literally each human being that has ever lived has experienced it: Temptations, and the promises they tell.

In this piece, I’ll try to outline my thoughts on something I’m willing to bet you already know: They’re liars.

Many religious people call it the devil, biology might call it the path of least resistance. What you call it, or what drives it, is not important to this piece. What is important is how it works, and how it affects our lives.

It promises; it lies.

For some it’s shopping, others might lean towards gambling. Procrastination, alcohol, sex, extreme work, gossip, drugs, even excessive exercise — the faces it wears are virtually limitless.

Reflecting on whatever yours may be, is to see it in the light of day — so long as you’re doing that reflection with honesty. You can likely see the cycle, knowing, in the end, that it’s not in your best interests, and you’ll hate yourself for it in the shower.

My examples will be different from yours, of course, but the message and the lesson is the same for anyone reading this; you just need to be honest with yourself.

Stop listening to the lies temptation tells. They are holding you back.

Lies Sound Sweet

More than once, I’ve fallen into the lies of the possibilities temptation offers… and I lose myself until I’m spit out the other side. Those sweet temptations left little in their wake but regret and a bad taste in my mouth.

It’s rare that it’s a conscious choice to jump right in. More often than not, it’s a gradual slip into a hot bath, as opposed to a nose-dive into a lake. The temptations whisper to us with subtlety and nuance… after all, they know us as well as we know ourselves.

One of those lies is exactly that: The choice to give-in to temptation is a stark one. A line where we would be made to choose — a choice we would, of course, never make.

Therein lies the foundation of the problem I’ll build on shortly: We tend to think there are only two extremes when it comes to vices and temptation: perfectly healthy and balanced, versus absolute wrecks who would sell their first born for another drink, hit, bet, lay, rush, , nap, or high. This is a lie.

This first lie — the one that says “Well, it’s not like you’re an addict or anything! You’re fine!” — is the one that allows all the other lies to be a little easier to live with; a little easier to convince yourself of. If you haven’t crossed whatever arbitrary line you’ve drawn for yourself, then it’s just you being a regular person… right?

The truth is, you don’t need to reach the bottom of the darkest depths for a vice to negatively impact your life. After we’ve indulged ourselves, we usually remember this truth. We usually tell ourselves that we’re going to correct our behaviour because we see that our temptation of choice isn’t being as helpful as it is being harmful.

This lesson fades though… it fades as new lies rise with new promises, with new excuses, with new justifications, and with ever more temptations.

Those temptations — the alluring promise that this time is different — is a lie. We’ve all heard it. They convince us to forget the lessons learned in the past, that everything is different this time, and that we’ve learned how to deal with it properly this time - we are in control. Lies.

Pass on this and you will be missing-out. Lie.

You deserve this. Lie.

It’ll be fine, I guarantee you. Lie.

This time is different. Lie.

It’s not that bad. Lie.

It’s not until later, when we’ve seen the heights of the actual promises delivered that we begin to remember. So if those are lies, what is the truth?

Pass on this and you will be missing-out.

This one plays on our imagination and on the wonderful world of possibility. They tell us that this is the time, this is the special moment that will be unlike any other. We start to imagine all kinds of fantasies of how good it will feel to just let go and slip into the comfortable waters of our vice; that feeling of “ah, fuck it” as we step away from our cautious circle of responsibility and into the unknown land of possibility.

Yet it’s not unknown, is it? It’s a place we’ve been countless times before - a place that’s familiar and comfortable, or thrilling and unpredictable, or whatever that particular vice promises - but it’s a place we know to be empty, short-lived, and ultimately unfulfilling.

What our vice doesn’t mention while it’s dragging you along with the crowd of temptation is that you might be missing out on a bunch of negative consequences too - in fact, much more likely so. You’ll likely be missing out on poorer health, wasted money, damaged relationships, or wasted time.

Pass on this and you will be missing-out might not be a lie after all, but the results it’s tempting you with aren’t likely to be the results you find yourself with in the end.

You deserve this.

Similar to above, this lie is based on the promise of what you’ll get in return for indulging in your vice. In order for the temptation of “you deserve this” to be in any way effective, you have to believe that you will benefit in some way - that you’ll end up better than you were before.

What the liar isn’t telling you is that the results of your indulgence isn’t something to be coveted. Do you *deserve* to feel regret, hungover, broke, embarrassed, or any number of the other things you know knew at one point you can expect in the end? No. You deserve to remember the lie and all that goes with it.

It’ll be fine.

It very well might be, but in all likelihood it won’t be — at least not as fine as it would have been if you recognized the liar for what it was.

Since it likely has been fine many times — even most of the time — this lie is telling you that it will be one of those times, and to ignore or forget the other times. After all, if it was so likely to be fine, then why would there be any need to question it at all — why the hesitation?

Because you know it’s a lie; you just don’t want to know that.

This time is different.

Same as above, really. Choose one or the other, not both.

It’s not that bad.

Convincing yourself that it’s not worth addressing unless you have a severe problem is a really effective lie they tell.

It’s like when you drive to the store or to work, and you don’t remember the actual details of how you got from point A to point B. You go on auto pilot while your mind is focused elsewhere, confident that all is good because you’ve been here a thousand times before and that there is nothing to be concerned about. Much of the time, that is indeed the case.

When vices slime their way in, however, when they begin to tell their lies laced with dopamine and all the other feel-good chemicals in their toolboxes, we forget that we’ve already flagged these things as troublesome… we forget to be wary.

So how are we supposed to ensure we remember that these vices aren’t to be trusted?

Part of their danger is in playing off even that distrust and discipline - that’s where the lies of ‘things will be different this time’ come in. This is where they slip in, agreeing with you and bowing to your discipline and control…

That control and overconfidence is another tool in their belt with which they slip into your control centre. Once they’re in, they can then slowly begin to steer your focus away from the dangers and the red flags, and more towards the wonderful benefits and warm confident feelings they give you.

I don’t know why I ever doubted them… I feel incredible!

This is the only moment that has ever existed, and I am the pinnacle focal point of history manifest in my own experiences.

Lies.

Perhaps the greatest tool or skill they possess is that of being forgettable. If we can somehow remember their lies and the slippery nature of their attacks, we would finally be free of them. To engage with them at all is to open ourselves to attack — no, it is to invite attack. The only way we are able to truly win these wars is to deny them wholeheartedly.

But wait! I’m not so weak as to never be able to be in control! I don’t need to completely deny myself of their advantages and relaxation they bring. I can dabble while staying in control. I’m not weak like those other people. While that may very well be true… you have just opened the door to: LIES.

By positioning vices as being one of two extremes, as I mentioned at the beginning of this piece, you’re now one your way to a brand new regret.

Do you see how quickly it happens? I’m willing to bet that reading the line above about denying temptations entirely, you dismissed my line as too extreme, as something only real addicts would need to heed. That is the desperate death throw of your vice of choice being backed into a corner. The only weapon which it truly fears is denial — to be ignored is to render them powerless. So long as a sliver of possibility remains in your mind, they are content… they are content to wait for their moment.

What’s the real risk though? Is it that big of a deal?

You believe the lies because you want to. You make an excuse, and you make a choice to set aside responsibility in factor of comfort or pleasure.

Just like I do.